i usually do some pretty crazy stuff when im drunk.. the most recent good story goes like this:
so i was drinking with some university friends and then around midnight we were just walking around outside and for some random sporadic reason i just ran away. like took off at full speed, no warning or anything. i didn't even think about it for half a second beforehand, i just ran. the next morning i regret this and called to apologize. but anyways.
so i get in my van (hammered.. unfortunately). and drive over to Yonge Street (the main street of Toronto, Canada). then i start walking south on Yonge towards Lake Ontario looking for a bar or something. didn't find one. i end up continuing walking south for like.. 5-6 hours. from Finch to Cherry Beach, so a distance of about 11.2 miles according to Google Maps. after the first half hour of walking or so i started to get hot so i took off my shirt. i usually don't wear a shirt anyways so if i have a little booze in my system any excuse will do. i hold my thumb out as im walking to try and pick up a ride but no one stops. hitchhikers usually aren't dangerous i can tell you first hand. but anyways.
so i come across this guy smoking at the side of the road, bum a cigarette off him, start to talk. i think he was gay and kinda slightly hitting on me but i didn't realize it at the time. im straight by the way. so i talk for about 10 minutes then keep walking. he warns me not to hurt myself. so after the next hour or so i pass by this like gang of black prostitues. for whatever reason im not particularly interested in them and keep walking right on through. one of them spanked me as i passed but i didn't even miss a step.
eventually i start to realize that it's going to take a LONG time to get down to the lake, but fortunately i come across this broken bicycle leaning against a tree or something. the chain is fucked up so i try and fix it but can't. so i can't peddle the bike but i could at least use it to roll down hills. so i end up taking the bike and use it kind of like a skateboard, paddling with my leg on flat ground and rolling down hills. i enjoyed this quite a bit so i ended up singing as i went. this drew me a fair bit of attention, after all i was a shirtless, hammered, broken bike riding, singing young guy speeding down the street at like 4 am. obviously people thought i was nuts. this is why when i see those "crazy people" on the street im not afraid of them, because i've kinda been that guy. though im usually pretty normal.
so eventually i get to the water, quite pleased, and find this giant ship anchored to the pier. i realize it's been converted into a restaurant. there's no way to get into the ship because all the doors are locked but there are some heavy ropes hanging off the deck, so after a bit of deliberation i climb up the rope and onto the deck. i had to do it pretty fast because there were cops everywhere since this was around the G20 meet and Toronto was hosting. once im on the ship i look around but there's nothing that interesting and im worried ill be arrested so i climb back down after 5 minutes or so.
then i walk east along the river for an hour or so, end up at cherry beach (cherry street is also a hooker street, but i didn't see any). by the time i get to cherry beach the sun has risen and i see some teens hanging out at a small pier and beach house on the water. i take off my shoes and walk directly into the lake, until the water is almost waist high. then i walk over to the pier and basically collapse on it, quite tired. i lie there on my stomach soaking my feet in the water. i take my (wet) wallet and cell phone out of my pocket and place them beside me on the pier. the phone is broken and the bills in the wallet soggy, but i still didn't particularly care. then the teens approach me, asking if im okay. i stare at them for a bit and then ask for water. you know alcohol dehydrates you right. then this chinese guy says "You're surrounded by water." so i take a drink from the lake. this was a pretty stupid idea because that lake is pretty notoriously unclean, of course i didn't remember this at the time.
then the kids, assured that i was fine, go hang out at the beach house while i rest on teh pier. i notice that chinese kid is trying to climb onto the house. with a little help from one of the others he succeeds. then, being a bit of a show off, an obnoxious drunk, and a good climber, i scale the house too (without help). so now me and the chinese guy are hanging out on the roof, talking a bit. i admire the view. looked pretty awesome. sunrise over the lake from a rooftop. after ten minutes or so i come down to find the kids are gone. when i go over to check my wallet i notice a credit card is missing!
so next i go get a drink of water from the sink in the beach bathroom, then i go to a pay phone and call mastercard to cancel my cards. im on hold for like five minutes so i sit down on the grass with the phone to my ear. at this point i look tired, dirty, annoyed, im wet, and sitting on dirty ground and this black park janitor guy walks by and says "rough night?" i nod and he walks off. then i realized it was pretty funny so i laughed.
after i successfully cancel my card i get up and start walking back to the city. after only a few minutes of walking i come across this boating club. it's all fenced off but i discover that if i walk along the shore through some deep bush i should be able to get around the fence. so im walking along the rocks by the shore on the way to the boating club and i slip. i didn't hurt myself but my shoes and socks get soaked so i take them off. once i get into the boating club i wander around and deliberate "borrowing" a kayak for a short trip but decide against it. been there, done that. plus i was tired.
there were hundreds of boats and a few club houses and hardly anyone was around. people i did see just assumed i belonged there, or were too shy to talk to me. either way it didn't matter much. i walked up to a club house and tried the sliding glass door, it was open. i go inside and wipe off my feet. no one is inside, the lights are off. i stroll over to the fridge to look for something to eat but the only thing i could find was juice. so i drink the juicebox, inspect the clubhouse for ten minutes or so.. i decide i should take a prop with me.. something that would make it seem like i belong here if i get questioned. i swipe a "boat for sale" ad off the bulletin board and prepare a story about coming to the boat club to inspect a boat for my father who is looking into boats. ill tell them i heard about the boat on craigslist and show them the flyer (which i presumably would have printed off from my home computer). it's a decent story but i never have to use it.
so i leave the boathouse and walk around a bit more. i ask this old guy walking around what the weather is supposed to be like... he says it's going to rain today. that's when i decided i should start to head home. otherwise i probably would've stayed downtown to watch the protests and stuff. (the protestors ended up setting a cop car on fire that day, shame i missed it). then the old guy looks at me, with a real sad expression on his face, and says "Don't you have a home?" This was bittersweet. funny but sad. he legitimately thought i was a hobo. victory. i nod and ask him which way to the bus. he points and i start walking again.
so now i've got about an hour and a half of walking ahead of me before i can get to the subway (didn't end up finding the bus stop). so im walking down the street, dirty, wet, shoeless, rather hobo-like. people in passing cars look at me like im a hobo too, so i really start to feel like one. which is great because i come from an upper middle class and have often played "the rich kid" so it's nice to see the other side. though after a while i do start to dream of the future (a few hours away) when i'll be normal again, like a real citizen, "one of them."
eventually i make it to the subway, take it up to my van, drive home, and go to sleep. shower can wait till i wake up. ..actually maybe i took a shower first.. i don't remember.
so yeah. typical drunken adventure.