Music

Film

Visual Arts

Writing

Biology

Technology

Physics

Business

Philosophy

Politics

Missed Diagnosis jack vero

Missed Diagnosis

Written by Jack Vero
on June 13, 2011

INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

JACK is standing shirtless in a doctor's office holding an otoscope. He peers through it curiously but as doorsteps approach he hurriedly puts it back and sits on the bed. The DOCTOR enters, reading a chart.

DOCTOR:
Alright Mr... Vero. How're you doing today?

JACK:
Pretty good. Basically just waiting for those
test results.

DOCTOR:
Ah yes about that... So they came in. Afraid
I have some bad news. Turns out you're severely
retarded.

JACK:
...Sorry?

DOCTOR:
Yeah we're not really sure how we've missed
it for so long, must've slipped through the
cracks somehow, but the signs are clear -
you suffer from a condition we call Severe
Mental Retardation. There is no cure.
I'm sorry.

JACK:
Huh.

DOCTOR:
Yes it's really quite an anomaly for you to
have gone so long without being properly
diagnosed. Frankly, I'm amazed you've managed
to stay alive this long.

JACK:
You know this actually makes a lot of sense.

DOCTOR:
If you're ready, I'd like to bring in your wife.
Have us all talk about this
together.

JACK:
Sure, sure.

DOCTOR:
I'll be right back.

The DOCTOR steps out. JACK waits casually. He looks back at the otoscope, then back at the floor. The DOCTOR and JEN walk in.

JACK:
Turns out you were right hun.

JEN:
You're retarded! I knew it! How many times
did I tell you to get that checked out?! How
many times?!

DOCTOR:
Mrs. Vero, please. People with his condition
don't respond well to criticism. He probably
can't even hear you right now. Look, he's
totally zoned out.

JACK snaps out of his trance and looks back up at the DOCTOR as if he's been listening the whole time.

DOCTOR:
Jack, we're going to get you all the help you
need. You just sit there and take it easy.

JACK nods. The DOCTOR takes out his pen and faces JEN.

DOCTOR:
I'm writing him a prescription for a drug called
ethanol. He should take it 3 times a day, once in
the morning and then again after lunch and dinner.
It'll help him function normally in society. He'll
have to stay away from cars and open fire - that
means no cooking - but I doubt he'd be much good
at those things anyways.

JEN:
Thanks Doctor. Anything else I need to know?

DOCTOR:
No that's about it. Just give him the meds and let
me know if anything goes wrong. Now I've got some
other patients to attend to so I'll see you all
later.

JEN:
Okay thank you.

DOCTOR:
Bye Jack.

JACK:
See ya.

The DOCTOR leaves the room.